Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Let's get the cat blown out
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
