I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I wish you could order shots online.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
