so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
