So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Randomize
