Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
