I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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