he puts the penis in happiness.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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