Can Purell be used as lube?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
