I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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