Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
