every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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