I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
