Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
