im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
