o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
A bitchslap is in order.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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