I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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