I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
