Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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