every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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