Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
