There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
