it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
