Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
