I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
