Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I touched a dick in church today
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
