Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
so let's talk penis.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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