I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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