So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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