It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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