what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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