I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
