Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize