WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
