Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
