There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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