Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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