I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
