He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Everclear isn't food dammit
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
