My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Randomize