Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
