Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
