We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
