Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
birth control should be required to get into college
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
