I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
