2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
