If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
