Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
