and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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