Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
you will always have a special place in my vag
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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