the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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