look no pants
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
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