if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize