i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
