Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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