I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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