If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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