This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Boobs are out for the taking
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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