video games are the ultimate cock blocker
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
