you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
