He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
