I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
