anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
