Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
