you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
