I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
