he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize