I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
