Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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