OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
