...so i touched it.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
