guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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