some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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