i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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