Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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